Grief and When
You Don’t Understand God

Photo of my dad, brother, and me from 1966. We were each dressed in coats and ties, so it was probably either Christmas or Easter; I was about 6 and my brother would have been 3 or 4.

Photo of my dad, brother, and me from 1966. We were each dressed in coats and ties, so it was probably either Christmas or Easter; I was about 6 and my brother would have been 3 or 4.

I first wrote the following (don’t really know what to call it) 13 years ago. It took me a long time to come to terms with the loss of my Dad. And on this day of looking back and reflecting on my Dad’s legacy, I thought I would pull this out again.

I also have a friend that is walking thru the path of grief right now, and perhaps this will be of some use to her.

I did think about adding a couple of verses to this several years back when my late wife died so suddenly, but really, what I learned from this first writing meant I didn’t need to write it again. I needed to be reminded of it, and I still do from time to time.

So any way, from my own archives “oh God”

Oh God, please tell me it isn’t true, tell me this hasn’t happened! Please let this just be a terrible nightmare. This can’t be happening, how could you do this to me? It isn’t fair, God, it just isn’t fair! It’s my birthday, I’m finally a teen-ager, that’s supposed to be a cool thing, but now you did this! You let this happen….WHY?

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. I ALONE AM GOD. MY WAYS ARE HIGHER THAN YOUR WAYS. I AM WHO I AM.

God, this just doesn’t make sense. I loved him so much. He was always there for me, making sure I had what I needed. He loved me; he protected me, taught me, cared for me. Now he’s gone, you’ve taken him from me! Is this some sort of cruel joke? … WHY?

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. I ALONE AM GOD. MY WAYS ARE HIGHER THAN YOUR WAYS. I AM WHO I AM.

God, he loved YOU. He lived his life for you. He brought me up to believe that You are good and loving. He served you with his whole life, and now you’ve taken that very life from him. You killed my father; how can you be so cruel, uncaring, and heartless…WHY?

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. I ALONE AM GOD. MY WAYS ARE HIGHER THAN YOUR WAYS. I AM WHO I AM.

God, I need him so much. Who will teach me to grow into a man? To whom will I turn to ask all those questions that sons ask their dads? I’m only 13; I’m too young to be the man of the house. I need my daddy to lean on. All my friends do things with their dads; you didn’t take them…WHY?

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. I ALONE AM GOD. MY WAYS ARE HIGHER THAN YOUR WAYS. I AM WHO I AM.

God, I hope you’re happy now. I’m 17; I just got kicked out of school. I’m what all of the goody-two-shoes call a stoner. But you know what God, when I’m stoned it don’t hurt so badly. For a little while I can forget what you did to me. But then it comes back; I’m the stoner with no dad…WHY?

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. I ALONE AM GOD. MY WAYS ARE HIGHER THAN YOUR WAYS. I AM WHO I AM.

God, it’s 1989 now, and I still don’t understand. Sure you got me out of that drug mess, and sure you got me into Bible College; but God, it still hurts, and I can’t forget what you did. I needed him when I was in all that trouble, I needed him when I went off to college, I needed him when I got married, I needed him, but YOU took him away from me…WHY?

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. I ALONE AM GOD. MY WAYS ARE HIGHER THAN YOUR WAYS. I AM WHO I AM.

God, my two daughters will never have the joy of knowing their Grandpa, they don’t even know him as a real person, and he’s just a name to them. And God, when my marriage fell apart, I needed him so bad. My daddy always knew what to do. But he wasn’t there because you killed him. And when I met Debbie, I know he would have been so happy, he would have loved her so much because of how happy she makes me. God…WHY?

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. I ALONE AM GOD. MY WAYS ARE HIGHER THAN YOUR WAYS. I AM WHO I AM.

God, it was 30 years ago today and it still hurts so badly. I still miss my daddy, and I still don’t understand it. But God, I kneel before YOU…still…and I know that You ARE God. You alone are God. Your ways are higher than my ways. You are the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. LORD GOD ALMIGHTY; and because you ARE, I no longer ask why.

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