I have not been very good at writing as much as I said I wanted to, so I’m going to try something a bit different and see if that gets me back on track where I want to be.
I have many things I can write about, and many things I want to write about, but trying to decide exactly which story to write about has been leaving me stuck and I haven’t written anything. And today my eyes/mind/heart was opened and I think I have realized what most of the problem has been.
I have been thinking that this journal has to be about me – my adventures, my memories, my struggles. And that is true, to an extent. But all of that is meaningless if I’m not also telling about what God is doing today in my life. How following Jesus has changed my life and made me a new person. How being filled with Holy Spirit is the only way I have the power/ability to do any of this.
Some days I will continue to share my memories of my past. It has been a long strange trip so far, and my journey has shaped a large part of who I am today. But it is God who has molded me into exactly who I am now. And if I don’t also write about how God is continuing to mold and shape me, I am missing the main point of my life right now. My past is interesting, and my struggles are real. But my walk with God is vital, and I firmly believe that my walk with Him today is why I am here to write about my past.
So some days I will write what God has taught me that day. Because my relationship is real and vital and vibrant, and I need to share that too. And every day is a new day with God, with new things to learn and new things to share.
Some days I will write about my past, some days I will write about my struggles. And some days I will write what God, through Holy Spirit, has taught me. I’m hoping this will get me writing more frequently. There may even be an occasional day that I decide to write twice. (But if you have signed up to get notified whenever I write a new post, you will only receive 1 email that evening.)
To start in this new direction, I’m going to share what I wrote down this morning during my alone time with God.
I’ve been reading about receiving blessings from God and then passing that blessing along to others. Today, as I was reading, I seemed to come up with a lot of questions directed at myself. Maybe no one else can relate to this, but this is what I was thinking.
Before I can receive any blessing from God I need to make sure that I am where I am supposed to be in my standing with God. Am I being obedient to everything He is asking of me? Am I staying in constant contact with Him thru prayer and the filling of Holy Spirit? I don’t think that going through the motions is going to have me in a place to receive blessings.
These things don’t affect my status as a child of the King, but they can affect my blessings and the blessings that I will then be able to pass on to others.
The greatest blessing is to be adopted into God’s family; how am I doing in passing along that blessing? This question is what led to me realizing that I need to change the way I view (and write) this journal. Letting as many people as possible know about this great blessing I have received from God needs to be a top priority. I don’t feel that I’ve been doing a good job with that and I want to use this journal to help rectify that shortcoming.
From my earliest memories, I had this urge, a calling, if you will, to share God’s Word. I always thought that meant being a pastor, so that was my goal, at least until I was 13. Then my world turned upside down and I ran from God and any calling He had on my life for about 10 years until I experienced a new encounter with God.
At that point, I resumed my pursuit of what I believed was my calling and I went to Toccoa Falls College, the same college I had always dreamed of attending as a young boy. But I didn’t pay attention to what God was trying to tell me and I took my eyes off of Him and my goal, which led to not finishing what I had started.
Through the past 30+ years, I have tried to resume my pursuit of becoming a pastor through three different training programs from different churches/denominations, but I was never able to quite finish or reach my goal. I continually felt somewhat less than I could be, should be and was called to be. In short, much of time I have felt like I have failed God and failed to follow my calling, my purpose in life.
Lately, I have been considering my life in light of turning 60 in a couple of months. (How is it possible that I am going to be 60? How is it possible that I have survived to almost be 60? All questions that friends I have had since the 70s have undoubtedly wondered as well.) In my considering, I have increasingly felt that I am too old to fulfill my calling, that I have missed my chance to meet my purpose.
But maybe my calling isn’t exactly what I thought it was. Maybe my purpose is to live my life for God every single day and write about what He has done and is continuing to do. Maybe I am supposed to share, through this journal, things that God teaches me. Maybe THIS is the platform that God has called me to.
Stories of my past definitely show how God has always had His hand on me. That past, good and bad, has shaped who I am today and gives me my own unique perspective on lessons that God wants me to share.
Today has brought a lot of questions to my mind, perhaps that is exactly what God intended for me today. I need to constantly examine my relationship with God as to how close I am. Walking in His path, guided by Holy Spirit every step will lead me to blessings which I can pass on to everyone I come in contact with.
Grace and peace, y’all!
Things That I Write About
But my number one goal, my mission in life, is to glorify God in everything that I do and all that I am. As 1 Corinthians 10:31 states, “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” That’s it. That is my mission. God has assigned that mission to me (and to all followers of Jesus) and I have chosen to accept that mission.
But because I want to glorify God, and to honor Him with everything I do, I invite Him to search my heart, my thoughts, every single day. The things I’m anxious about, the times when anxiety or even depression seem to overwhelm me, I want God to see those thoughts so that He can handle them for me.
I have many new friends who probably have never seen this and/or don’t know why my birthday (yesterday, August 17) is always so bittersweet for me. It’s hard to believe it has been 48 years since that fateful morning. I can remember those details so clearly. It really doesn’t seem possible it was that long ago.
Psalms 119: 66-68 I believe in your commands, now teach me good judgment and knowledge. I used to wander off until you disciplined me; but now I closely follow your word. You are good and do only good; teach me your decrees. I was raised in the church. I was dedicated to the service of…